We have heard so much about loving others. But what makes others love us? A child of God must be a lovable person. We should be a source of attraction to the Christian and the non-Christian world if we are to be His effective witnesses. You may possess a library of knowledge about counselling; but what good is it if people do not come to you for counselling? You may be full of soul-burden; but unconsciously you may be full of repellants too! People should be wooed to us. What makes a person lovable is an interesting study that will touch many areas of our life. Some are born with a natural ability to capture the love of others whereas others have to work hard at it. If you are an unfortunate repeller, here are a few helpful hints to become lovable, from another unfortunate repeller who is in the process of learning! It takes a life-time of practice, yet it is worth it.
1. Learn to Love
The whole world loves a lover, is a saying. Be a downright lover. We must go out of the way to love people. This is the second great commandment of Jesus standing in par with the first.
I would like to draw your attention to three unfortunate groups of people unloved by the world. As those who have experienced the love of God we must divert our attention to these neglected groups.
a) The Ugly. The world has everything to offer to a beautiful person. Beauty is number one scoring point in the world. A fair and beautiful child, at the outset, learns that the world loves him. Passers- by pinch his cheeks and coo coo at him. He earns a lot of kisses and hand-shakes. If two children write the same answer the teacher unconsciously gives one mark more to the handsome child. She is always an angel in the manger scene. I am yet to see a black angel on the stage! Once I heard an ugly child tell her mother, "Mummy, they did not make me an angel last year, and they did not make me an angel this year too." It churned my bowels. The poor child had waited for a year to see if the world would accept her. Beautiful girls get married sooner while the unattractive ones wait in despair and darkness. Advertisements for receptionists and air-hostesses ask for attractive personalities. If the performance of two in an interview is commendably the same, the handsome boy is naturally selected. The world votes for beauty. The ugly, deformed or defective person gets no attention on the roads, no preference in school and no uplift in life unless he or she possesses some outstanding additional qualification. Your obvious expression of love to such a person helps him blossom, seemingly overnight. It builds up a confidence in him and helps him brace his shoulders to face life. Why should he be shy and insecure? Give him a good feeling that he may hold his head high. Love liberates one's spirit.
b) The Unintelligent. The second scoring point in the world is intelligence. The rank student is loved by all. Even the foolish joke he cracks throws everyone into a fit of laughter. He is the king of the class. But a below-average student has lost his rights. The teacher is unpleasant to him. His parents threaten to stop his education. He is bewildered and wonders why he is unable to compete with others. He tries but he fails and gets no encouragement. It becomes a vicious circle. The world dumps the unintelligent into its dust bins. Gradually he learns to accept that the world does not accept him. He feels guilty as if he has made a great mistake while he has not a jot of wrong to his credit. If all the people were equally intelligent, some very important jobs will be left undone. It is our bounden duty to show our love and understanding to the unfortunate ones and help them come out of their shell. Their metamorphosis will be our reward. c) The Poor. Money is world's third scoring point. As we say, money matters! This boy who never used to study is today a doctor. His classmate who was much better than him is a clerk or peon. The dark girl who wrote school final thrice is quickly and comfortably settled in life if only she has the magical power of money! The world offers no scope for the poor. Even inside the church the rich are offered seats and the poor are politely asked in a most Christian way to sit on the floor.
Do not spend yourself to push up those at a high plane to a higher plane. Pour out yourself for those who are downtrodden. Rightly Jesus said (to him who invited Him for a feast): "When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the
blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the ressurrection of the righteous" (Lk 14:13,14). How practical Jesus was! We thus have a very vital part in loving the unloved. Let us manifest our overflowing love to them and thereby assure them that they have as much right in this world as their 'lucky' peers. Let us give them a helping hand to bring them out of complexes. Yes, love is not a virtue but to love the unloved and unlovable.
2. Learn to Listen
Smile is the easiest way to invite people to come and talk to us. Practise it at all times. The world is in need of people who would patiently listen to problems. Sometimes we wish our ears had hinges so that we could shut them to a monotonous narration of problems. But one who is not a good listener cannot become lovable. Jesus' ears were open to the cry of way-side beggars. He said: He who has ears to hear, let him hear. So Jesus acknowledged a group who had ears not to hear or dummy ears. James the apostle counsels us to be swift to hear and slow to speak. "How do you do?" does not mean that the cheerful enquirer wants to know when you were sick, how long, what medicine, who doctored, etc. Definitely not. If you start off with YOUR problems the next time he sees you at a distance he will take another route to avoid you! But just answer "I am fine" and add "How do YOU do?" and be ready to listen to HIM. Do not be too eager to narrate all about YOUR accomplishments. But find out how things are with HIM. Show interest as he talks. You can speak volumes through your sympathetic silence. Punctuate your silence with expressions of sympathy. Be ready with words of consolation for a sufferer. Allow others to express themselves fully by avoiding offensive remarks. Do not give nose-cuts. It hurts you by hurting your friend.
3. Learn to Accept
Do not criticize people for what they are, but accept them. Some are talkative, some short-tempered, some touchy, and so on. Everyone has his own flaws. Offer them unconditional acceptance and they will fall in your bosom. They are in the making in God's
hand and our job is to help them towards perfection. Even if you know that he or she has sinned, do not view them critically lest you condemn them. Already they feel condemned inside and they are in need of someone who can understand them and lift them out of their horrible pit. A critical word will drive them away. Be wooing. Help them come near you by avoiding all embarrassments. Punishment sometimes hardens a criminal. But love never fails. It was the gentle look that made Peter weep. It is only after they start loving and trusting you that your counsel will help them or your gospel will have any effect on them. Jesus was "moved with compassion" before He started to preach. Let us learn this by keeping ourselves in others' position.
4. Learn to Help
Man by nature is selfish. Sometimes we spiritual people also are selfish that we neglect others to do our routine. We dislike disturbance of a planned day. But to get people to us that attitude will never help. God sometimes sends angels to disturb our plans. Let us not miss those pleasant disturbances which bring with them a blessing of God. Let us be a friend indeed for a friend-in-need. I am just now reminded of a very lovable person. He goes out of the way to help us. When we take advantage of his lenience he welcomes it. When we try not to disturb him he demands why not!
5. Learn to Appreciate
Find things to appreciate in others. Not flattery but a hearty commendation for something nice about them. Love rejoices in the truth. Never hesitate to praise a praise-worthy. No Scripture warns us not to appreciate others lest they become proud. It is a man- made doctrine. Jesus never failed to praise individuals for their exemplary acts. An honest word of appreciation encourages a person. He develops a trust in you and feels free to share his joys and sorrows.
6. Learn not to be Touchy
Allow others to be free with you. That is to say, allow others to hurt you. If you get upset over a fun or a joke on you they will have to be extremely careful with you. Naturally they cannot love to be with you. People may joke about your complexion,
stature, accent or anything. Just laugh it away. Do not take words too seriously. Touchy people never have many friends. It is an unpleasant character. Even when you are criticized, corrected or chided, accept it with a meek attitude. Maintain a cheerful spirit. Practise a pleasant temperament. Be ready to smile and laugh and joke and play. Be quick to boost up a down-cast spirit. If somone is offended because of you, apologise immediately and explain softly what you actually meant.
Why is God always the most lovable? Because He first loved us, He listens to us, He accepts us as we are, He never condemns us, He always helps us. May God transform us into His very image.
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
We have heard so much about loving others. But what makes others love us? A child of God must be a lovable person. We should be a source of attraction to the Christian and the non-Christian world if we are to be His effective witnesses. You may possess a library of knowledge about counselling; but what good is it if people do not come to you for counselling? You may be full of soul-burden; but unconsciously you may be full of repellants too! People should be wooed to us. What makes a person lovable is an interesting study that will touch many areas of our life. Some are born with a natural ability to capture the love of others whereas others have to work hard at it. If you are an unfortunate repeller, here are a few helpful hints to become lovable, from another unfortunate repeller who is in the process of learning! It takes a life-time of practice, yet it is worth it.
1. Learn to Love
The whole world loves a lover, is a saying. Be a downright lover. We must go out of the way to love people. This is the second great commandment of Jesus standing in par with the first.
I would like to draw your attention to three unfortunate groups of people unloved by the world. As those who have experienced the love of God we must divert our attention to these neglected groups.
a) The Ugly. The world has everything to offer to a beautiful person. Beauty is number one scoring point in the world. A fair and beautiful child, at the outset, learns that the world loves him. Passers- by pinch his cheeks and coo coo at him. He earns a lot of kisses and hand-shakes. If two children write the same answer the teacher unconsciously gives one mark more to the handsome child. She is always an angel in the manger scene. I am yet to see a black angel on the stage! Once I heard an ugly child tell her mother, "Mummy, they did not make me an angel last year, and they did not make me an angel this year too." It churned my bowels. The poor child had waited for a year to see if the world would accept her. Beautiful girls get married sooner while the unattractive ones wait in despair and darkness. Advertisements for receptionists and air-hostesses ask for attractive personalities. If the performance of two in an interview is commendably the same, the handsome boy is naturally selected. The world votes for beauty. The ugly, deformed or defective person gets no attention on the roads, no preference in school and no uplift in life unless he or she possesses some outstanding additional qualification. Your obvious expression of love to such a person helps him blossom, seemingly overnight. It builds up a confidence in him and helps him brace his shoulders to face life. Why should he be shy and insecure? Give him a good feeling that he may hold his head high. Love liberates one's spirit.
b) The Unintelligent. The second scoring point in the world is intelligence. The rank student is loved by all. Even the foolish joke he cracks throws everyone into a fit of laughter. He is the king of the class. But a below-average student has lost his rights. The teacher is unpleasant to him. His parents threaten to stop his education. He is bewildered and wonders why he is unable to compete with others. He tries but he fails and gets no encouragement. It becomes a vicious circle. The world dumps the unintelligent into its dust bins. Gradually he learns to accept that the world does not accept him. He feels guilty as if he has made a great mistake while he has not a jot of wrong to his credit. If all the people were equally intelligent, some very important jobs will be left undone. It is our bounden duty to show our love and understanding to the unfortunate ones and help them come out of their shell. Their metamorphosis will be our reward. c) The Poor. Money is world's third scoring point. As we say, money matters! This boy who never used to study is today a doctor. His classmate who was much better than him is a clerk or peon. The dark girl who wrote school final thrice is quickly and comfortably settled in life if only she has the magical power of money! The world offers no scope for the poor. Even inside the church the rich are offered seats and the poor are politely asked in a most Christian way to sit on the floor.
Do not spend yourself to push up those at a high plane to a higher plane. Pour out yourself for those who are downtrodden. Rightly Jesus said (to him who invited Him for a feast): "When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the
blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the ressurrection of the righteous" (Lk 14:13,14). How practical Jesus was! We thus have a very vital part in loving the unloved. Let us manifest our overflowing love to them and thereby assure them that they have as much right in this world as their 'lucky' peers. Let us give them a helping hand to bring them out of complexes. Yes, love is not a virtue but to love the unloved and unlovable.
2. Learn to Listen
Smile is the easiest way to invite people to come and talk to us. Practise it at all times. The world is in need of people who would patiently listen to problems. Sometimes we wish our ears had hinges so that we could shut them to a monotonous narration of problems. But one who is not a good listener cannot become lovable. Jesus' ears were open to the cry of way-side beggars. He said: He who has ears to hear, let him hear. So Jesus acknowledged a group who had ears not to hear or dummy ears. James the apostle counsels us to be swift to hear and slow to speak. "How do you do?" does not mean that the cheerful enquirer wants to know when you were sick, how long, what medicine, who doctored, etc. Definitely not. If you start off with YOUR problems the next time he sees you at a distance he will take another route to avoid you! But just answer "I am fine" and add "How do YOU do?" and be ready to listen to HIM. Do not be too eager to narrate all about YOUR accomplishments. But find out how things are with HIM. Show interest as he talks. You can speak volumes through your sympathetic silence. Punctuate your silence with expressions of sympathy. Be ready with words of consolation for a sufferer. Allow others to express themselves fully by avoiding offensive remarks. Do not give nose-cuts. It hurts you by hurting your friend.
3. Learn to Accept
Do not criticize people for what they are, but accept them. Some are talkative, some short-tempered, some touchy, and so on. Everyone has his own flaws. Offer them unconditional acceptance and they will fall in your bosom. They are in the making in God's
hand and our job is to help them towards perfection. Even if you know that he or she has sinned, do not view them critically lest you condemn them. Already they feel condemned inside and they are in need of someone who can understand them and lift them out of their horrible pit. A critical word will drive them away. Be wooing. Help them come near you by avoiding all embarrassments. Punishment sometimes hardens a criminal. But love never fails. It was the gentle look that made Peter weep. It is only after they start loving and trusting you that your counsel will help them or your gospel will have any effect on them. Jesus was "moved with compassion" before He started to preach. Let us learn this by keeping ourselves in others' position.
4. Learn to Help
Man by nature is selfish. Sometimes we spiritual people also are selfish that we neglect others to do our routine. We dislike disturbance of a planned day. But to get people to us that attitude will never help. God sometimes sends angels to disturb our plans. Let us not miss those pleasant disturbances which bring with them a blessing of God. Let us be a friend indeed for a friend-in-need. I am just now reminded of a very lovable person. He goes out of the way to help us. When we take advantage of his lenience he welcomes it. When we try not to disturb him he demands why not!
5. Learn to Appreciate
Find things to appreciate in others. Not flattery but a hearty commendation for something nice about them. Love rejoices in the truth. Never hesitate to praise a praise-worthy. No Scripture warns us not to appreciate others lest they become proud. It is a man- made doctrine. Jesus never failed to praise individuals for their exemplary acts. An honest word of appreciation encourages a person. He develops a trust in you and feels free to share his joys and sorrows.
6. Learn not to be Touchy
Allow others to be free with you. That is to say, allow others to hurt you. If you get upset over a fun or a joke on you they will have to be extremely careful with you. Naturally they cannot love to be with you. People may joke about your complexion,
stature, accent or anything. Just laugh it away. Do not take words too seriously. Touchy people never have many friends. It is an unpleasant character. Even when you are criticized, corrected or chided, accept it with a meek attitude. Maintain a cheerful spirit. Practise a pleasant temperament. Be ready to smile and laugh and joke and play. Be quick to boost up a down-cast spirit. If somone is offended because of you, apologise immediately and explain softly what you actually meant.
Why is God always the most lovable? Because He first loved us, He listens to us, He accepts us as we are, He never condemns us, He always helps us. May God transform us into His very image.
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
