Let not your heart be filled with despair because you have to live with an unsaved husband. Rejoice! Both of you were lost once. But now that you have found the Way, you should be happier because the chances for your husband are much better now. It is like two sinking people of whom one has caught hold of the life-saving rope. If now you, who have hold of the rope, start kicking and struggling you’ll slide to the brink of disaster. Now is the time to behave wisely that you may gain your co-heir to the grace of life. Look at the brighter side of life that now your husband is closer to the Lord than when both of you were unsaved. “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?” (1 Cor 7:16). Let joy fill your heart for the grace of God that has entered your home through your salvation.
When a woman finds the Lord, she is naturally too enthusiastic to see her husband saved in the twinkling of an eye. Remember, salvation is a miracle from the hand of the Lord. You have to play your part and patiently wait for God to work. At no cost there should develop a rift between you and your husband because of your spiritual experience. It should only take you closer to him, because you are his life-belt now. Daily ask for the grace of God.
There are some dangerous bombs to your marital life and you may unconsciously blow the fuse. One such thing is to feel you are much better than him. You may reflect this attitude in your words and deeds. Never forget that you are no better than him, but for the grace of God. Never make him feel inferior. He must feel comfortable and happy in your presence. Do not even mentally compare yourself to him. But in lowliness of mind esteem him better than yourself (Phil 2:3).
The second danger signal is to usurp the headship of the home, just because you have a spiritual experience. Peter speaks against it. “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won over by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives ... a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Pet 3:1-4). If a husband who does not read or obey the Bible must be won, it is not by the counsel of his wife but by her behaviour. And what is this behaviour? Submission, purity, reverence and a gentle and quiet spirit.
Submission: Do not argue over all his commands, requests and decisions. Obey immediately without a word to the extent that will make him wonder. God’s laws and commandments are not reversed because your eyes are now opened, rather emphasised because now you have the spirit of obedience. Unless it is a sinful demand you must submit to your husband as to the Lord. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:18).
Purity: Shower more love upon him (Tit 2:4). Do not smother the dying embers of love. Kindle it. Express your love for him more freely because now the love of God has been poured out in your heart by the Holy Spirit. Naturally it is difficult for you to approve his unrighteous deeds. Hate your husband’s sins, not your husband. God loved us when we were sinners. That is true love. Render to your husband the affection due to him. You do not have authority over your own body, but the husband does. Do not deprive him lest Satan tempt him (1 Cor 7:3-5).
Reverence: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph 5:33). Let not your spirit be soaked in disrespect. It is not easy to hide such a spirit. Learn to respect him in your heart, at the utmost depth. Then train yourself to show marks of respect like welcoming, greeting, accepting, asking him for guidance or opinion in small and great matters, sharing some of your problems, looking to him for help and support, etc. Do not use disdainful or insulting statements to him or about him to others. Talk respectfully of him outside the home. Even by heathen standards a wife should honour her husband (Esth 1:22). But many Christian wives are worse than heathen.
Gentle and quiet spirit: The endless tangles which were so frequent in your home should now die out. Remember, it requires two persons to fight. Stop fighting, shouting, threatening and weeping. Don’t trample on his nerves. Let a sweet spirit clothe you. Let your husband feel free to express his dissatisfaction over the meal, home or yourself. Receive it with meekness and avoid thorny situations.
The next bombshell to explode your marriage is sharing your problem with everyone who comes your way. Stop this habit. Develop the habit of taking every small matter to the Lord in prayer. “Go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Do not pray for his salvation even in the family prayer. Do not undermine his self-respect.
Another dangerous weapon a woman may use is to take vengeance upon her husband that he may repent of his sins. This can never be right. Two wrongs do not make a right. Do not justify yourself for your revengeful acts. If he neglects you, you cannot go to be with your parents to make him feel the sting of your absence (though sometimes it may jar him to his senses). “A married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband” (1 Cor 7:34). Do not be selfish. Please him in all matters. Be pleasant always. When a woman marries, she stops living for herself and starts living for her husband.
All these do not mean you should do nothing about your husband’s salvation. “Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does not she light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?” (Lk 15:8). Even if one member in the family is lost, you cannot rest.
Let godly atmosphere surround your home. Let the Bible be more often read and prayers more often said. Start saying grace before meals. Institute family prayer. Never give up. It may take days or months or even years for all to join and a regular routine to be set up. Let your approach be gentle and soft in everything. Seek the help of one or two godly persons to lead him to salvation. Get a like-minded sister with whom you can regularly pray and seek counsel. Expose your husband to the gospel as much as he may permit (if at all he permits!). Keep sharing little testimonies of the Lord’s hand on you. Avoid preaching, rather emanate God’s presence.
Even if everything fails and you have to pull on with him, do not be discouraged. Be a happy wife. Because now the responsibility of the children is more yours. Eunice was a believer but her husband was a Greek (Acts 16:1). But by sticking on she was able to produce a godly generation (2 Tim 1:5). Bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. Never think of separation. Children suffer agony when parents separate. In Mark chapter 10, Jesus condemned divorce and then immediately embraced children and blessed them. Did He have the little ones in mind when He so vehemently spoke against divorce? I guess so. A wife must not separate from her husband (1 Cor 7:10). “And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife ... Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy” (vv 13,14). See how the topic of divorce brings in the children. Though Paul half-heartedly says, “If the unbeliever leaves, let it be so ... The sister is not bound in such circumstances,” he then adds an emphatic “BUT” to insist, “God has called us to live in peace” (v 15). So the wife should spare no pains to hold the family together.
Do not be discouraged. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous woman avails much! Walk perfectly in every small household affair. “I will walk within my house with a perfect heart” (Psa 101:2). The rest is in the Lord’s hand. “Come into the ark, you and your whole family because I have found you righteous before Me in this generation” says the Lord (Gen 7:1). Hold on to the promises of God for your husband’s salvation. Faith is the bird which sings when it is still dark. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household” (Acts 16:31). Survive till the long night is over. You are not fighting a losing battle!
“Through faith ... women received their dead raised to life again” (Heb 11:35).
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
Let not your heart be filled with despair because you have to live with an unsaved husband. Rejoice! Both of you were lost once. But now that you have found the Way, you should be happier because the chances for your husband are much better now. It is like two sinking people of whom one has caught hold of the life-saving rope. If now you, who have hold of the rope, start kicking and struggling you’ll slide to the brink of disaster. Now is the time to behave wisely that you may gain your co-heir to the grace of life. Look at the brighter side of life that now your husband is closer to the Lord than when both of you were unsaved. “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?” (1 Cor 7:16). Let joy fill your heart for the grace of God that has entered your home through your salvation.
When a woman finds the Lord, she is naturally too enthusiastic to see her husband saved in the twinkling of an eye. Remember, salvation is a miracle from the hand of the Lord. You have to play your part and patiently wait for God to work. At no cost there should develop a rift between you and your husband because of your spiritual experience. It should only take you closer to him, because you are his life-belt now. Daily ask for the grace of God.
There are some dangerous bombs to your marital life and you may unconsciously blow the fuse. One such thing is to feel you are much better than him. You may reflect this attitude in your words and deeds. Never forget that you are no better than him, but for the grace of God. Never make him feel inferior. He must feel comfortable and happy in your presence. Do not even mentally compare yourself to him. But in lowliness of mind esteem him better than yourself (Phil 2:3).
The second danger signal is to usurp the headship of the home, just because you have a spiritual experience. Peter speaks against it. “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won over by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives ... a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Pet 3:1-4). If a husband who does not read or obey the Bible must be won, it is not by the counsel of his wife but by her behaviour. And what is this behaviour? Submission, purity, reverence and a gentle and quiet spirit.
Submission: Do not argue over all his commands, requests and decisions. Obey immediately without a word to the extent that will make him wonder. God’s laws and commandments are not reversed because your eyes are now opened, rather emphasised because now you have the spirit of obedience. Unless it is a sinful demand you must submit to your husband as to the Lord. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:18).
Purity: Shower more love upon him (Tit 2:4). Do not smother the dying embers of love. Kindle it. Express your love for him more freely because now the love of God has been poured out in your heart by the Holy Spirit. Naturally it is difficult for you to approve his unrighteous deeds. Hate your husband’s sins, not your husband. God loved us when we were sinners. That is true love. Render to your husband the affection due to him. You do not have authority over your own body, but the husband does. Do not deprive him lest Satan tempt him (1 Cor 7:3-5).
Reverence: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph 5:33). Let not your spirit be soaked in disrespect. It is not easy to hide such a spirit. Learn to respect him in your heart, at the utmost depth. Then train yourself to show marks of respect like welcoming, greeting, accepting, asking him for guidance or opinion in small and great matters, sharing some of your problems, looking to him for help and support, etc. Do not use disdainful or insulting statements to him or about him to others. Talk respectfully of him outside the home. Even by heathen standards a wife should honour her husband (Esth 1:22). But many Christian wives are worse than heathen.
Gentle and quiet spirit: The endless tangles which were so frequent in your home should now die out. Remember, it requires two persons to fight. Stop fighting, shouting, threatening and weeping. Don’t trample on his nerves. Let a sweet spirit clothe you. Let your husband feel free to express his dissatisfaction over the meal, home or yourself. Receive it with meekness and avoid thorny situations.
The next bombshell to explode your marriage is sharing your problem with everyone who comes your way. Stop this habit. Develop the habit of taking every small matter to the Lord in prayer. “Go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Do not pray for his salvation even in the family prayer. Do not undermine his self-respect.
Another dangerous weapon a woman may use is to take vengeance upon her husband that he may repent of his sins. This can never be right. Two wrongs do not make a right. Do not justify yourself for your revengeful acts. If he neglects you, you cannot go to be with your parents to make him feel the sting of your absence (though sometimes it may jar him to his senses). “A married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband” (1 Cor 7:34). Do not be selfish. Please him in all matters. Be pleasant always. When a woman marries, she stops living for herself and starts living for her husband.
All these do not mean you should do nothing about your husband’s salvation. “Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does not she light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?” (Lk 15:8). Even if one member in the family is lost, you cannot rest.
Let godly atmosphere surround your home. Let the Bible be more often read and prayers more often said. Start saying grace before meals. Institute family prayer. Never give up. It may take days or months or even years for all to join and a regular routine to be set up. Let your approach be gentle and soft in everything. Seek the help of one or two godly persons to lead him to salvation. Get a like-minded sister with whom you can regularly pray and seek counsel. Expose your husband to the gospel as much as he may permit (if at all he permits!). Keep sharing little testimonies of the Lord’s hand on you. Avoid preaching, rather emanate God’s presence.
Even if everything fails and you have to pull on with him, do not be discouraged. Be a happy wife. Because now the responsibility of the children is more yours. Eunice was a believer but her husband was a Greek (Acts 16:1). But by sticking on she was able to produce a godly generation (2 Tim 1:5). Bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. Never think of separation. Children suffer agony when parents separate. In Mark chapter 10, Jesus condemned divorce and then immediately embraced children and blessed them. Did He have the little ones in mind when He so vehemently spoke against divorce? I guess so. A wife must not separate from her husband (1 Cor 7:10). “And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife ... Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy” (vv 13,14). See how the topic of divorce brings in the children. Though Paul half-heartedly says, “If the unbeliever leaves, let it be so ... The sister is not bound in such circumstances,” he then adds an emphatic “BUT” to insist, “God has called us to live in peace” (v 15). So the wife should spare no pains to hold the family together.
Do not be discouraged. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous woman avails much! Walk perfectly in every small household affair. “I will walk within my house with a perfect heart” (Psa 101:2). The rest is in the Lord’s hand. “Come into the ark, you and your whole family because I have found you righteous before Me in this generation” says the Lord (Gen 7:1). Hold on to the promises of God for your husband’s salvation. Faith is the bird which sings when it is still dark. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household” (Acts 16:31). Survive till the long night is over. You are not fighting a losing battle!
“Through faith ... women received their dead raised to life again” (Heb 11:35).
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
