Wife beating has hit the roof especially after the lockdown, according to the statistics of domestic violence. Naomi said to her daughters-in-law, "The Lord grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband" (Ruth 1:9). Husband’s house is supposed to be a place of rest for wives. But to many wives it has become a place of terror and torture. They have left their parental home and entered a new home, full of hope and excitement. But after a child or two all they face is abuse and beatings

I found the following interesting information in the Woman’s Bible –

The Ketubah is the Jewish marriage contract required from the groom and read aloud during the marriage ceremony. This one-sided contract was not an illusory obligation but a document prepared, according to the legal enactments of the Jewish sages, by the husband, detailing the responsibilities that he would have to his wife during their wedded life together (see Exo 21:10; Lev 18 : 18; Deu 24:5). The rabbis extended the explicit Old Testament requirements of food, clothing and conjugal rights to include the demand that the husband respect his wife and not make her cry. He must deny himself to provide for her needs. One groom wrote, "Be to me as wife according to the Law of Moses and Israel, and I will serve, honor, support, sustain, and clothe thee according to the customs of the Jewish husbands." The traditional order to these verbs expressing responsibility, beginning with "serve," indicates the spirit of the document.

The wife preserved this elaborately decorated document. For the Jewish community and for all the world, the Ketubah stands as a monumental example of the protection of the rights of women.

Jesus spoke about the "hardness of heart" to men, while speaking about divorce (Mt 19:8). When life becomes a routine, it is natural for the spouses to get irritated with each other even for small violations. Then the heart gradually becomes hard. If there was one person who could have beaten his wife and gone guilt-free, that was Hosea. Gomer deserved beatings for what she did. Hosea could have divorced her according to the Law, for her adulteries. But God told him to love her. Why? God was allegorically teaching the people of Israel how much He loved them in spite of their failures, like a jilted husband doting on his straying wife.

What does this mean to us today? Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives, just as Hosea loved Gomer, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her in spite of her worst behavior (Eph 5:25). The church wasn’t perfect. But love was the way Christ made her holy. Note the word ‘that’ in verses 26 and 27.

Peter instructs husbands to live with their wives with understanding, giving her honor as to the "weaker" vessel (1 Pet 3:7). She is definitely weaker than man. Is it not shame and cowardice for a man to beat someone weaker than him? Here on earth you may win, but before God you have lost. If a man beat a slave to death, he was to be punished (Exo 21:20). How much sorer punishment he will receive if he beats his wife!

The mark of a good husband is the tears of his widow. Will your wife lament when you die, or let out a big sigh of relief? For the Bible says that the wicked man’s widow will not weep (Job 27:15).

So repent of your hard heart. Ask God to remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Confess your sin to God and humble yourself and apologize to your wife. Hold her and tell her that you will never beat her again. Whenever you get angry, take out your wedding album and flip through the marriage and honeymoon scenes or sing a spiritual song like, "Lord, I want to be a Christian in my heart..." A four line ditty to a father goes like this -

"Be careful where you go, young man,

Be careful what you do.

Two little eyes are watching you now -

Two little feet will be following you."

So set a good example for your children. Don’t beat their mother.

Wives must first of all have it clear in their minds that they don’t have to put up with physical abuse in the name of submission. She must boldly look into her husband’s eyes and tell him to stop beating her, and that if he beats her again she would inform the pastor (or some spiritual leader who cares about her family). If he still beats her she must inform her pastor or the spiritual leader and get help. They must talk to him and put some sense into his head. If that also doesn’t help, she must remove herself from the scene with the children and be safe till he repents.

If he repents and wants the wife to return, at least three or four responsible people must sit together with both of them and make him promise that he will never beat her again. If he violates his promise, she must inform the team.

Wives should be submissive and pleasing to their husbands. A wife should show her piety by her love, gentleness and not talking back. She must be as

pleasant as possible and try not to irritate him in any way. Her failure in any area does not give her husband license to treat her like a slave. God, speaking about His relationship with Israel, says in Hosea, "You will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master’ (Hos 2:16). That is the ideal relationship between husband and wife.

In the worst case of physical abuse, it will be better for the wife to come out of the relationship and have her own life. She must find a job and bring up the children. Read Isaiah 54 and face life courageously. Walk head high, you are not guilty of anything. The situation of a wife not qualified for a job and who has no one to fall back on is pathetic. She must be supported by relatives, believers and the church.

"Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth...The mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has mercy on you" (Isa 54:5,10). 

Dr. Lilian Stanley
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