Peter went out and wept bitterly after he denied his Lord. The next we read of him is after the resurrection of Jesus when Mary Magdalene ran and informed him of the empty tomb. What happened in between? I let loose my imagination. Jesus is led away for crucifixion. Peter is ashamed, afraid, and agitated. He goes home (maybe a temporarily rented accommodation in Jerusalem), throws himself on the floor, and weeps his heart out. The past day's events flash through his tortured mind like a movie. He is afraid to go out lest somebody identifies him as one who was with Jesus and arrests him. It is 9 am and Peter thinks, "Maybe now they are crucifying my Master." Maybe Peter was in the periphery of the large crowd, observing his Master's agony (Lk 23:27). John and the women return in the evening and give him all the news in detail. Peter weeps yet again. Day one and day two crawl away hour by hour and Peter bemoans his cowardice. He wishes he had done this and that and this. But he cannot turn back the hands of the clock. He sits up in his bed, fights depression, and decides not to die in his sorrow and shame but to rise and move forward. "Well, I cannot undo the past. No point in cursing myself. All is not lost. What can I do now?" he thinks.

All of us have regrets. But be encouraged. There are ways to mend our past. Here below are Peter's wish list and decisions

Wish - I wish I had not slept in Gethsemane but kept awake and prayed supporting Jesus.
Decision -. I decide to stay awake and intercede for the lost, remembering my Lord who gave His life for the world.

Wish - I wish I had not fled the scene when Jesus was arrested.
Decision - I decide to be supportive of those who suffer and uphold them.

Wish - I wish I had not disowned Him, but identified myself with Him.
Decision - I decide to stand tall as a Christian and never try to conceal my identity

Wish - I wish I had spoken up before Annas, Caiaphas, Herod, and Pilate, proclaiming the innocence of Jesus.
Decision - I decide to speak up for those unjustly punished and deliver them out of cruel hands

Wish - I wish I had carried His cross to Golgotha and given Him some relief.
Decision - I decide to carry the cross that God has given me cheerfully and gladden the heart of God

Wish - I wish I stayed near the cross and observed His agony so that I better understood the pain of crucifixion.
Decision - I decide to visit the sick, suffering, and weeping, to comfort them, despite my busy schedule

Wish - I wish I had given Him some water to quench His thirst.
Decision - I decide not to chase away any hungry or thirsty person at my doorstep but tenderly attend to their needs

Wish - I wish I heard His cry, "It is finished," that would have challenged my heart.
Decision - I decide to know the will of God for my life and at all costs strive to do it and finish the race set before me.

Wish - I wish I had gone to Pilate boldly to get permission to take the body of Jesus.
Decision - I decide to overcome the fear that paralyzes me and go ahead and do what God wants me to do.

Wish - I wish I spent my money on spices to wrap the body of Jesus.
Decision - I decide to spend less and less for myself and more and more for God and the expansion of His kingdom.

Wish - I wish I had taken down the body of Jesus, taken it to the tomb, laid it there, and rolled the huge stone.
Decision - I decide to undertake hard and unpalatable tasks for the Lord without hesitation or grumbling.

Wish - I wish I remembered that Jesus told us that He would rise again on the third day.
Decision - I decide to memorize the word of God and remember, recite, and act on it.

Wish - I wish I was the first to witness the resurrected Lord and receive the commission to go and tell others.
Decision - I decide to rise early every day to enjoy the Lord's presence and be a ready witness to anyone throughout the day.

"One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Phil 3:13,14)

Dr. Lilian Stanley
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